Doing polyamory is really hard esp when ur not clear if it’s polyamory or just a really nice massageーy friendship trio with ur ex anyway hearing steph died made me panic and leave work and then all of these feelings about being wanted on this earth surfaced at the same time as hers did and they had to kind of deal with both of it and because she won’t communicate or open up to me yet I am nervous that I am encroaching and detracting from the love a partner gives because of sharing. I knew I would have those feelings and I gotta try to work through them but the timing of some big panic attacks for me has it rly dramatic and I want calmness but more than that I want hope in my dumb life that I won’t get lonely and harm myself
“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”— Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie (via amortizing)
